Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
