meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she peed on how many people?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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