In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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