I wanna bring you to show and tell
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
