I think my vagina is haunted
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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