i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
