Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Randomize
