my vag is so smooth its legendary
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
