We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I am mentally ready for anal.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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