She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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