i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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