Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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