no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
