stop calling my apartment porn island.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
