She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
