so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
