wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
