Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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