just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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