i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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