look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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