If that was your dad, he is hot
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
