You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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