you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
