lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
