Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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