i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Barsexuality is the new black.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
