I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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