Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
even my farts smell like vagina
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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