we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
that is very illegal...i love you.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
