I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
