i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
