Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
