wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i came on her dog
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
