he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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