fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
