so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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