i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
