Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my phone needs a breathalizer
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
