So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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