So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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