I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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