I wish my penis had an off switch
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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