hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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