Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
