Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
