If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
