Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm bleeding and have questions
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
