Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
