And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He passed out mid-signature
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
His nipple licking is glorious
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