either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
This toilet bowl is my home.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
