what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
